took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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