yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
