You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
