I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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