The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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