the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
