Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
