I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
