Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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