i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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