when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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