Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
