Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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