Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hippo gnu deer
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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