6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
