I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
