I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
