He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
