Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
