I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
