I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
