I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
