You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
