Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
