I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
