I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
