i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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