Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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