very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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