Can i not drive my cunt home
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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