he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
