I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
