remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I will pee on everything he values.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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