none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
