Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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