Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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