i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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