did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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