what day is it and did you see me today?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
