we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
