i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize