I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
