dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize