The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
