somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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