I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
