Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
