It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
