go do what you do best...puke behind churches
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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