When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
