i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
