No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
