Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
