Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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