My Higher Power is John Stamos
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
