Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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