Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
