I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
