Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
