The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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