so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
well you can't waste a boner
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
