The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
