I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize
