We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize