I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
