Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
