sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize