I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
