that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
