I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
