Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
