Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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