Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
