I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
