eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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