Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
