Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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