we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
